One of my nephews used to have a Thomas the tank engine toy locomotion when he was a kid. I'm sure that's why he's so prejudiced, now that he's eleven-ish.
The Guardian is kind enough to publish an article where the author accuses Thomas the tank engine of being a) racist, b) misogynist c) a homophobe and d) "stupidly smug" (the last one is literal). Allow me to boil it down a little, so you don't have to read through this mess:
a) The good trains on the show blow white smoke, while the evil trains blow black smoke. What do we make of that? Thomas the tank engine is racist.
b) There is only one female train on the show, and she is said to "know her stuff". That's misogynist.
c) In one episode, a pink train is bullied. Homophobic.
d) That's a direct quote.
The world is in desperate need of un-apologetic manliness such as ulbator promotes. Don't be a pussy - wear ulbator.
Our's is a young business. But so far, we have received very positive feedback on our products. One customer reports that our products "generate a lot of attention" from the opposite sex. Another customer bought a second "for the elite" t-shirt, because his ol' lady liked so much how it looked on him. It is truly heartwarming for us to know that our products are increasing love through physical attraction in a society where both are on the decline.
The internet nowadays is full of "life coaches", "personal improvement" guru's, teachers of "self development". Nothing wrong with that, but the results their techniques render range anywhere from "null" to "ok", within a time frame that ranges from "long term" to "years ahead". Nothing wrong with that either, some actions and interventions need time to mature and bear fruit. But every now and then, you just need something that produces immediate results. And that is where ulbator comes in. Now, we won't shed those last couple of pounds off of your tummy. We can't grow your bicep for you. But we can make you look a little bit manlier in an instant. As it has been said before: improve fecundity - wear ulbator.
We don't know whether to laugh or cry here at ulbator. Turns out that the Marvel comics hero Thor, based on the ancient Scandinavian Mythological character Tor, will undergo a sex change in the near future. Important progressive shit, let me tell you. It should come as no surprise that this sex change is welcomed with open arms by Swedish mainstream media, which can't help but propose five other pop-culture sex changes that we ARE DYING to see (the article is in Swedish, but don't worry it is just as in-comprehensible for a native speaker).
Myself? I'm considering buying a pink leather chord for my Tor's hammer necklace in honor of progressiveness and sex change. The regular reader will know that the ulbator head honcho has previously shown incredible insight in gender issues and makes a point and a conscious effort out of bringing the public discourse on the matter forward. We were hoping for yet another grain of wisdom from our great leader. He couldn't be reached for a comment though. He was too busy working on his 500 lbs dead lift, with the other girls.
Congratulations to Germany on the World Cup win. I watched the game, and the win was well earned. It is worth mentioning that the Mexican national selection performed well in the World Cup and were on the verge of eliminating bronze medalist Holland in the final 16's round. Go Sweden in 2018! Here's an idea for a Swedish national football team that has run out of such: I would estimate that having ulbator provide the uniforms would give us a big enough of an edge to at least reach the quarter finals in 2018. As an added bonus, the national selection would appear presentable which would be refreshing in this day and age. All players would be required to keep their shirts tucked in for the start of the game. Discipline and respect through appearance, I predict they're on the way back in professional sports.
This may not be conventional publicity material, but we have stocked out on a couple of our SKU's. I know, I know, stocking out is not a good thing and no sane business would advertise it, but for a humble operation like ours (humble in age and maturity, not in spirit) it is kind of cool. Now don't worry, the stock out won't last for long. As soon as we noticed, we got right back in the bandwagon, shifting priorities in production. For you, our beloved customer. Don't hold back your orders though, only a couple of color / size variants are affected, and a stocked out item can't be ordered. Thank you for letting us assist you on your manly quests and endeavors!
... to your ticket to the world cup final. It turns out that not only German soccer players used to have cool shorts in the 80's. So did Argentine players, as displayed here by Diego Maradona. I'm not a big sports fan and for us Swedes, this world cup has been a painful reminder of the state of things football in Sweden, but even I will
In the media, the major focus of yesterday's world cup semi final between Brazil and Germany was on the former's defeat and the subsequent mourning of Brazilians. Ulbator, always favoring the positive stance, would like to take this opportunity to congratulate the German national soccer team on their 7-1 win against Brazil yesterday and a very convincing step towards winning the world title. That and make an announcement, one that may be even bigger for Germany than their outstanding semi-final performance. Ulbator's "short for the kind of guy who likes to do sports but will also have a cigarette every now and then" was inspired by German 80's soccer players. When still in it's planning stages, the ulbator head honcho described his inner vision thusly to one of his peers: "this would be the kind of short that you would expect an 80's German soccer player to wear", expressing the superior appeal of 80's German soccer aesthetics compared to, say, contemporary basketball. That would make two good news for the German soccer team in less than 24 hours. Congratulations!
On the 14th of September, elections to the Swedish parliament are to be held. And only a couple of days back the most important political marketing event in Sweden, Almeveckan, ended. Nowadays I am only observing the spectacle from afar but the current political landscape in my native country is quite disappointing. I am to lazy to deal with the logistics of voting from a distance but even if I wasn't, I'd have no idea of whom to vote for. Judging from the major Swedish media outlets, erasing (well, in reality trying hard to ignore the obvious) gender differences is more important than Sweden's disappointing Pisa results. Gay issues (whatever that is) are more important than GDP growth (important disclaimer, the head honcho is stubbornly ignorant regarding which is the latest accepted term for these "issues", I'll just use the old fashioned "Gay"). Accusing unlike-minded of racism is more important than addressing cracks in the social cohesion within Swedish society. Swedes nowadays are claiming to feel insulted or violated left and right, or subjects to "social oppression" of some sort, always caused by middle aged men, middle aged men who most of the time are white. I.e non-issues.
Them being non-issues, let's change the tone of this entry, let's be forward-thinking, hell, let's even be progressive to use an abused term, and politely ask for some advice and guidance from the head honcho in these dark times: "Vote?" he says "The head honcho doesn't vote. His power, his wit and his wisdom have all been brought unto him by the gods."
So there you have it.
Those of lesser minds may think of us at ulbator as shallow for promoting good looks among men (and women, but we cater to men). We do it because we care about you. No, really, we do and yet again, science has proved ulbator right. Nature works in beautiful ways, and it has been my conviction for long that attraction is her way of guiding us towards an appropriate mate. I personally don't need a report to reinforce my beliefs, but every once in a blue moon your paths are crossed by someone who will not even be convinced by the head honcho's superior rationale. In the name of health, and in the name of truth, allow me to quote said report:
"the more attractive a respondent was rated, the less likely he or she was to report being diagnosed with a wide range of chronic diseases and neuropsychological disorders"
In short, physical beauty is a sign of fitness. Evolutionary ditto as well as the commercial interpretation of the word. Science has had it's say. Now go rock that ulbator ensamble.
I have been busy working with a new piece of manliness at the ulbator facilities in Guanajuato, Mexico. It is a short sleeved shirt that is planned to combine with another future ulbator piece, one that so exists only as a concept within the head honcho's vast imaginary landscape. The shirt will work beautifully on its own, though and it'll be released in the coming months. A great way to remain dapper and still show off the guns. Here are a few pictures of our great master designer (and head honcho) working on the first prototype; needles in mouth and tape measure in hand. The first phase consists of getting the fit right and the general design. The materials used for this prototype are not final, but for a shirt, my bets are on cotton. The assembly is not complete either, the final version will be a lot more robust and durable, as dictates the ulbator standard.
Not for Pussies!